Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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