I can tuck mytits in my pants
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
