the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
