Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
