Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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