So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
