Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
