I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
