i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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