I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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