Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
