my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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