I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
