We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
