your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
