I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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