I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
