I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
