You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
