Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
