I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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