Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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