i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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