i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
