Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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