They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
