you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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