Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
