I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
