all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
