Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
