Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
