She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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