And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
