I feel great
I just peed on a car
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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