Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
