how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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