Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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