Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
MIDGETS
????
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
