I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh god the rape fog is back!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sorry about my life...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
