He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
