It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
