so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize