he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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