I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am puke
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
