hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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