Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
