four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
