Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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