he puts the penis in happiness.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Never underestimate the power of titties
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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