I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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