Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
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I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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