Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
