She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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