How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
