Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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