It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
