I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
home. puking in laundry basket.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
