I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
