New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
