i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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