it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
