Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
