Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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