meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
