I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
