They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
