sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
