I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize