and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
