If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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